My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
