I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
