I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
