someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
