Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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