There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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