im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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