wrigley field is MILF paradise
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
NoShamevember. You game?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
