Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
