all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
