Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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