i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
