I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
