I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How external is "for external use only"?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
