If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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