I looked at my own cervix.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
being pregnant is like rehab
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
