the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
