how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
