hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
