even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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