are you so shy because you have an std?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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