last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize