just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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