end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
