How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
