Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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