My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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