I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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