I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
