I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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