i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
