i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
