She is in my trunk
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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