Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize