I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
