if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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