I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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