I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
