Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
