Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
