five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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