At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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