We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
