ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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