Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
