I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
