oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
