They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
