this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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