he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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