I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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