If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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