I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
