oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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