So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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